Milk and Honey
by HerenyaHope
Summary: "how is it so easy for you to be kind to people?" he asked. milk and honey dripped from my lips as i answered "'cause people have not been kind to me" Life is not easy for Shouto. Neither are emotions or socializing. But perhaps writing about them can make things easier. It might also help him handle his feelings for a certain classmate.
1. I Don't Know What I'm Doing

_you leave_  
_but you don't stay gone_  
_why do you do that_  
_why do you_  
_abandon the thing you want to keep_  
_why do you linger_  
_in a place you do not want to stay_  
_why do you think it's okay to do both_  
_go and return all at once_

Shouto snapped the book shut and tossed it away like it were a grenade. His hands went to his eyes and his breath shook. He was not going to cry, but his eyes ached with the emotion of it. This was his second time going through the small black book, and yet somehow the experience was more intense than the first time he went through it. This time he'd not even made it through all of the _Breaking _chapter. He slowly lay back onto his futon. Emotions brewed in his chest like old sludge, and he had the desire to reach in and scoop them out and chuck them out the window.  
This was not what he expected to happen when he was given the book. That evening he'd been assisting Yaoyorozu in setting up her new furniture. The pieces, while clearly more expensive and ornate than the Ikea furniture many of the other students used, were more size appropriate for the modest dorm room. It had been an innocent comment that caused it. As he watched her put her books away on her new bookshelf, he noted how many titles graced her shelves. In contrast to Iida's book collection, hers were a bit more diverse, with works of fiction alongside her large collection of encyclopedias and chemistry books.  
Yaoyorozu had asked him what his favorite book was, to which he confessed he was not very well read outside of school textbooks. Growing up he was given little to no time for something as "frivolous" as a hobby, even reading.  
"Why don't you borrow one of mine?" Yaoyorozu suggested.  
Shouto shrugged. Why not? Dorm life had been giving him many opportunites to do things his father never would have allowed. Why not add reading to the list? He asked for something short that he could get through quickly. Which is how he ended up leaving Yaoyorozu's dorm room with a copy of Rupi Kaur's _Milk and Honey_.  
She'd said how it was her favorite book of poetry. She described it with words like _moving_, _vivid_, and _evocative_.  
Shouto had only read a handful of poems before (all for school of course) and didn't know good poetry from the bad. He decided to take her word for it.  
That decision is what led to him lying on his futon, staring up at the ceiling as he attempted to recover from having his heart flayed open and stomped on. That's what it felt like at least.  
Shouto wasn't sure whether he loved or loathed the little black book. While the author's life differed so much from his own, they unfortunately seemed to share many experiences in common with each other. So many of her poems hit too close to home for him, to the point it felt like it was himself being addressed. It was overwhelming to see the feelings and thoughts he'd spent years pushing down laid out in printed word. For so long he didn't believe he could ever put into words the feelings he kept buried within him.  
How could somebody do that to themselves? If he was this distressed from reading the poems, which despite his current distress, were _not _calling him out directly, what must it have felt like to write them? How could putting out all your darkest thoughts and memories be tolerable enough that a person could fill an entire book with them? Shouto turned his head and looked to the corner where the book landed. He stared at it, the thin, seemingly innocuous book. So unassuming with its basic black cover and simple white lettering. He stood up and shuffled to the corner and picked up the book. It weighed next to nothing, but he felt the need to hold in with both hands. His thumb stroked one of the bees sketched onto the cover.  
What would it feel like to put his thoughts onto paper?  
He hardly understood what was happening, but he blinked and suddenly he was sitting at his desk, one of his spare notebooks opened up and a blank page before him.  
_'This is foolish,'_ he thought to himself. What was he trying to do? What was the point? He didn't know the first thing about writing, and even if he did would it really solve anything?  
Despite thinking this to himself, Shouto looked over at the cup holding his various writing utensils, and pulled out a black pen.  
He looked down at the blank page.  
And looked.  
…And looked  
Whatever inspiration got Shouto to this point left him the moment came to write something. He frowned in frustration. How does one even start a poem? By the looks of the ones in the book, it seemed there were not many rules to follow. This did not help him. His elbow sat on the desk and he rested his cheek on his knuckles.  
Fifteen years of repressed emotions and trauma, and now he was drawing a blank.  
"This is stupid," he muttered to himself. Poetry shouldn't be this hard. You just wrote whatever came to mind, right?  
Half out of sarcasm, and half out of irritation, Shouto scribbled down the first sentence that popped into his mind.

_**I don't know what I'm doing**_

He glared down at the phrase. He shut the notebook with more force than necessary and pushed himself out of his desk chair.  
It was about two hours too early for him to be going to bed, but he decided he didn't want to be awake anymore. Pajamas felt like too much effort, so he ended up stripping down to his boxers, shutting off the lights, and crawling beneath his blankets. He ended up in something of a cocoon, and looked over to his desk, where both the book and the notebook laid side by side.  
Maybe his father was write and books were a pointless pursuit. He shuddered at the thought of almost _agreeing_ with his father. He buried his face into his pillow and willed himself to go to sleep right then and there.  
It took Shouto an hour and a half to go to sleep, and the whole time _Hurting_, _Loving_, _Breaking_, and _Healing_ plagued his mind.


	2. To Be Bad at Things

_perhaps_

_i don't deserve_

_nice things_

_cause I am paying_

_for sins I don't_

_remember_

"EAT ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'M GONNA KILL YOU, RACCOON EYES!"

Ashido's response to Bakugo's death threat was to cackle as her character jumped off the platform with Bakugo's in its stomach.

Shouto was only partially paying attention to the game on the common room TV, his focus mostly on the homework Cementoss had assigned them that day.

"Hey, what did you get for part B?" Midoriya asked.

"5/3."

Midoriya blinked, and looked down at his packet. "Wow I was way off."

Todoroki leaned across the table to look at what the other student did wrong. He found the error and pointed to it. "You forgot to put the 8 there."

"I did? Whoops." Midoriya let out that embarrassed chuckle of his as he scratched his cheek. "These questions tend to run together after a while."

"It's better we do them now than staying up all night to finish it," Todoroki glanced over as his classmates squished together on the couch playing video games. "Like they're going to have to do."

The four playing at the moment were Ashido, Bakugo, Hagakure, and Sero. Those watching and waiting for their turn were Kirishima, Kaminari, and Kouda.

Shouto did not play video games. On occasion he would be pulled into playing and would oblige, but he was not very good. Real life combat he was quite proficient in, virtual combat less so. He had a hard time remembering which buttons did what and what combinations to use, and it didn't help that every character had a different set of moves. Bakugo had been very smug when Shouto was the first to die last time he'd played with his classmates.

"I swear to god, you are the worst Peach in the history of this franchise," Bakugo groaned.

"I really didn't come here to be attacked," Hagakure replied.

"We're playing Smash. It's literally about being attacked."

"Whatever, Bakugo," the invisible girl replied. It was hard for Shouto to interpret Hagakure sometimes, given she had no facial cues. However, it did sound like her remark would include a rolling of the eyes.

"I mean, you do kinda suck as Peach, Tooru," Ashido chuckled. "Why do you always play her?"

"She's pretty," Hagakure responded.

As Bakugo went on about how stupid of a reason that was, Shouto raised his brow in confusion.

"Something wrong?"

Shouto turned and saw Midoriya was looking at him. "Hagakure doesn't make much sense."

"What do you mean?"

"She picks a character just because she thinks it's pretty. That's not really a logical combat decision."

"Yeah, some people will just pick the characters they think are cool," Midoriya replied.

"But she is not good with that character," Shouto frowned. "She keeps dying in the game. Wouldn't she pick a character she has a chance of winning with?"

"I think Hagakure's just having fun," Midoriya shrugged. "Not everyone's like Kacchan."

"What does Bakugo have to do with Hagakure's decision of character?"

"I just mean not everybody has to win to have fun."

Shouto's brow furrowed. "But…the purpose of playing a game is to win."

"I mean, technically yeah, but some people are just fine with playing."

"That makes no sense." Shouto crossed his arms. "If Hagakure has no chance of winning with the character she has chosen, why bother fighting in the first place?"

"She doesn't have to be good in order to have fun."

Shouto stared at Midoriya trying to understand whether he was joking with him or not. "But…you play a game so you can win it."

Midoriya ran a hand through his curly hair. "I don't know how to explain it, Todoroki. I mean, don't you have like a hobby you do just 'cuz you like doing it?"

"No, not really. Why would I do something if I was not good at it?"

Midoriya looked back at Shouto. It seemed something crossed his mind because his face changed. Why did he look sad?

"Is something wrong?" Shouto asked. He hoped he hadn't upset Midoriya. He was just confused. Midoriya acted like this was some sort of common knowledge that Shouto should have known.

Add that to list of things Shouto apparently should have known.

"Okay, Todoroki," Midoriya folded his fingers together and rested his elbows on his math binder. "So my mom took up crocheting a while back. She's still not very good at it, but she likes doing it because it's relaxing and it gives her something to do while she's watching TV and stuff."

"O…kay?" Shouto was not sure why Midoriya was telling him this.

"Even though her projects don't always come out perfect, and she won't be selling any of them anytime soon, mom likes crocheting because to her it's fun. There are some people who want to get really good at crocheting because they wanna make a business out of it, or they want to be the best crocheter there is. But my mom just likes doing it." Midoriya gestured over to the couch. "Kacchan likes playing video games because he likes to win them."

"He likes to win at everything," Shouto interjected.

Midoriya let out a snort, and Shouto felt something stir in his chest. "Yeah, he does. But Hagakure doesn't care about winning. She likes playing with the character she likes and she enjoys just playing with her friends."

"I see." Shouto must not have sounded convinced, because Midoriya continued.

"You probably weren't told this growing up, but I'm telling you it's okay to not be amazing at everything. You can be really bad at something and still do it if it makes you feel good."

Shouto eyes widened. "Yeah, I didn't hear that growing up," he replied quietly. He looked down at the notebook he had for math. It reminded him of the notebook upstairs on his desk.

"Hey are you okay?"

Shouto looked up to see Midoriya staring at him with worry on his face. "Yes, I'm fine," he replied. "I was thinking maybe I'll give…video games another chance."

The freckled teen gave out a grin. "Good to hear. And you know there's more types of video games besides fighting ones. You may like something more story based like an RPG. You also seem the type to like puzzle based games, those come in all kinds. Some get mixed with other genres such as horror or fantasy- ooh! Have you ever heard of Stardew Valley? It's a lot like Animal Crossing oh wait do you even know about Animal Crossing? It's…"

Shouto listened idly as Midoriya's video game ramblings continued. While his face remained blank, inside he was smiling as his friend gushed about his favorite childhood games. He may not have understood a thing of what Midoriya was talking about, but he could listen to him talk forever.

He shook his hand through his hair, still damp from the shower, as he walked back to his dorm. He was right about the gamers in the end. As he walked through the common room he saw them all sitting together scrambling to finish their homework. He made it to his room and put his bag of shower items back in his bathroom. Something was tugging at his attention, and it wasn't until he glanced over at his desk that he realized what it was.

The dark blue composition notebook, the one that held his failed attempt at a poem, sat right where he left it the night before.

As he looked at it he thought back on what Midoriya told him during their homework session.

_"I'm telling you it's okay to not be amazing at everything."_

"It's okay to be bad," he whispered to himself. Once more, by some unseen force, Shouto found himself settling into his desk chair and opening up the note book. The single phrase he wrote on the first page greeted him. He went to tear it out, to get rid of that failed attempt and start fresh. He gripped the corner of the page, but instead of tearing it out, he instead turned to the next page. He didn't understand why, but something was telling him to keep that page.

"It's okay to be bad," he said again to himself. He plucked the same black pen from his pen holder and clicked it open.

"It's okay to be bad." The phrase became something of a mantra.

"It's okay to be bad," he told himself as he began to write. He didn't really know where he was going, he just decided to jot down his thoughts on what Midoriya told him. It was less than five minutes, but to Shouto it had felt like an hour. He set down his pen and read over the few lines he'd written.

**_I learned today_**

**_That it's okay_**

**_To be bad at things_**

**_As long as you're having fun_**

**_I still don't really get it_**

**_But I think that's okay too?_**

Shouto stared down at the poem. It _was _a poem. A poem _he'd _written. He thought about how he felt. Did he feel better?

_'Not really,' _he thought to himself. But there was this small feeling of accomplishment that turned the corners of his mouth upwards.

"I wrote something," he said under his breath. He looked over at the little black book sitting near his left hand. He traced the title with his finger. "Am I doing it right?" He wasn't sure who he was asking. Kaur herself? The universe? He thought about what Midoriya would say. He'd probably say something like him giving it his best is all that matters. Or something like that.

When Shouto closed the notebook, this time he did so much more gently than the night before.


	3. Split Down the Middle

_your mother _

_is in the habit of _

_offering more love_

_than you can carry_

_your father is absent_

_you are a war_

_the border between two countries_

_the collateral damage_

_the paradox that joins the two_

_but also splits them apart_

"Hey, Todoroki!"

Shouto felt the collar of his uniform jacket being tugged on. He turned around to face a very excited Ashido. "What is it-" A phone was suddenly thrust in fornt of his face.

"Have you seen this? This is so crazy!"

"You'll have to hold the phone still for me to see," he replied. When the pink girl stopped bouncing around he looked at the screen and saw it was on some sort of article. He raised a brow at the title. "_'What's a Human Chimera?'_" he read aloud.

"Yeah it's super crazy. Apparently there's people who are like, a fusion of twins and they have like two sets of DNA and it can make them look super cool." Ashido scrolled down the article to a picture. "Look at her, see her skin?"

Shouto looked at the picture. The woman in it was posed in a bikini, which showed that she had two different skin tones split evenly on both sides of her body.

"They're like, super rare apparently, but I saw it and thought, like, what if that's _you_?"

"Me?"

"Yeah! What if you're a chimera and that's why you have the split hair and eyes and you have your two quirks on different parts of your body!"

"I think the doctor would have said something when I got my quirk tested," Shouto replied. He remembers that day vividly, and not for the reason most children do. That was the day any normalcy in his life died, and everything started to fall apart.

"Yeah but how cool would that be? You could be your own evil twin-!"

"No loitering in the doorway," Aizawa said as he rolled up his sleeping bag. "I'd like to close my classroom please."

"Apoligies, sir," Shouto responded. He turned back to Ashido. "Thank you for sharing that with me, it was interesting."

Shouto stared at the person in the bathroom mirror. It'd been a while since he'd done this, really observe his appearance. He normally only looked in the mirror for as long as it took him to brush his teeth and get the tangles out of his hair. There was a time when he never looked in the mirror. When his anger towards his father was at its highest, before Midoriya came and yanked him out of his bitterness in that very Midoriya way, he hated looking at himself. Specifically the left half of him. There was a time when he was thirteen that he tried to bleach the red side and make his hair all white. Just another way to purge Endeavor from his body and remind him he wasn't anything like the Flame Hero. That ended up not happening, and Shouto was fairly sure that box of bleach was still somewhere hidden beneath the bathroom sink in his house.

He brushed his bangs away and brought his index finger to his forehead. He could feel exactly where his two sides came together. It was a small, miniscule line that spanned all the way down his body. It was so thin it took him years to figure out it was even there. But at that exact spot his skin no longer ran hot or ran cold. It could almost be described as numb. He traced the invisible fence down his forehead, down his nose, down his lips, until his finger rested on his chin.

_'Maybe I am a chimera,' _he thought. It made some sense. His siblings were either ice or fire, and was it really so hard to believe ice and fire couldn't mix in the same body? He thought about his parents, two people who had no business being together. They were still legally married, but Shouto knew they stopped being husband and wife the moment his mom was sent away.

_'No, they never were.' _They were married but they weren't a couple. They'd lived in the same house but they didn't have a home together. Perhaps the only way Shouto could even exist is if the two halves of his parents stayed on their own sides.

He looked at himself. He didn't see one person. He pieces from two different puzzles forced to lock together and pretend they fit.

_'Why couldn't I have just taken after her?' _He imagined himself if he had bleached his hair, or if he'd been born with all white hair. He closed his turquoise eye and focused on his hazel one. The vision in his head was what he'd always wished he'd be. There was no trace of his father to be seen. As pleasing as that was, the vision was also…strange. It looked wrong.

Shouto blinked, and he saw his reflection in the mirror again. "This is me," he mumbled.

_"You're your own person, Todoroki."_

Shouto thought back to what Midoriya told him back at the Sports Festival. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"It's my quirk, not his," he told himself.

_**I'm split down the middle**_

_**Because ice and fire **_

_**cannot share the same space.**_

_**They never truly meet.**_

_**The place between them is a wall**_

_**that is neither cold nor hot.**_

Shouto put down his pen. It was starting to become more natural to write in his journal. He'd only written a handful of things down, but with each new addition to the blue book he started to feel that therapeutic feeling he hoped for. He'd never been very good with explaining his thoughts and feelings. When he'd told Midoriya what Endeavor did to him and his family over the years, he only described them as a series of events. Beneath the simple timeline was a sea of terror and pain the teen never told to anyone. Even if it was clumsy, he was starting to realize that writing these things down brought him relief, even if it was only a tiny amount.

He read over what he had just written. There was nothing wrong with it, but somehow it felt…short?

He picked up his pen again and wrote down what he realized were missing lines.

_**What would be better?**_

_**If one side won the war?**_

_**Or if the wall stretched and spread out**_

_**And made everything feel the way it feels?**_

He didn't know the answer to that question. He's pretty sure nobody could know the answer.

Somebody knocked on his door and he jumped.

"Todoroki?"

"Just a moment." Shouto quickly hid his journal in the desk drawer. He straightened himself, hoping he appeared normal, before sliding his door open.

Midoriya was standing outside his door, holding-

"My conditioner?" Shouto asked.

"Yeah, I saw it still in the showers and realized you left it," Midoriya explained as he handed the bottle to Shouto.

"Thank you. Good thing you knew it was mine."

"Well it smelled like you so it was easy to-" Midoriya's eyes widened and his cheeks became faintly red. "Wow that sounds so creepy, sorry! I'm not like sniffing you I swear. I just know you use that really good smelling shampoo a-and it's not just cuz it's you, I know what a lot of the guys smell like- no that's worse! You know, we're always in the locker rooms and-and…" By now Midoriya looked like he was about to break into a sweat. "I sound like such a weirdo, I'm sorry." He hung his head as he fidgeted with his hands.

Shouto was still the entire time Midoriya had his little freak out. "Midoriya, it's okay," he said. "and I don't think you're a weirdo."

Midoriya let out a nervous chuckle. "Good."

"And…" Shouto felt the right side of his face heat up. "You have nice shampoo too."

Midoriya's head shot up. "I do?"

Shouto looked down at the floor. "It smells like pears."

"Th-thanks. You can get a family size bottle for about 350 yen."

An awkward silence fell over the two teens. It was times like these that Shouto was reminded how unskilled he was at socializing.

"I-"

"Have a good night, Midoriya." Before the other boy could finish Shouto had quickly slid the door shut.

As he went into the bathroom to put his conditioner with the rest of his toiletries, he realized slamming the door in Midoriya's face was probably _not _the proper response. He'd felt the very strong need to get himself out of the situation. He had just exposed one of the many growing thoughts he had about Midoriya. How he loved the smell of Midoriya's hair and every time he got the faintest whiff of the pear scent it felt like peace settled on him for a second. Okay, maybe he hadn't said all of that, but Midoriya was an intelligent person! Surly he would be able to decipher the subtext beneath Shouto's words.

Shouto groaned.

He hated having feelings.

_**I wonder**_

_**what it would be like**_

_**to smell like pears.**_


	4. My Emotions Need Coffee

_i struggle so deeply_

_to understand_

_how someone can_

_pour their entire soul_

_blood and energy_

_into someone _

_without wanting_

_anything in_

_return_

Shouto tapped his pencil absentmindedly against his desk as he watched the clock. Morning homeroom would start soon but surprisingly Mr. Aizawa was running late. In the meantime, the class was using the time to chat, either standing or sitting in small groups.

Shouto overheard Ojiro say something. It must have been humorous because girlish laughter erupted from Hagakure.

"Mashirao, stop being so dang sweet!"

Shouto looked over.

Ojiro was sitting at his desk with Hagakure standing beside him. The invisible girl wrapped her arms around Ojiro's shoulders and, judging by the way his hair moved, rested her chin on her head.

"I mean, I'm not really trying," he said sheepishly.

Hagakure giggled. "That's because you're always a sweetie."

The tailed teenager's cheeks turned pink as his girlfriend pressed a kiss to his cheek.

At least, Shouto thought that's what happened. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to be dating somebody you can't see.

Ojiro and Hagakure were the first members of the class to get together. Nobody seemed surprised when they announced their relationship. They had hit it off from the beginning, apparently. That's what Yaoyorozu told him. At the beginning of school he hadn't really paid much attention to his classmates outside of training. Until the Sports Festival, he hardly interacted with his classmates at all.

He watched as Hagakure planted herself in her boyfriend's lap as the two continue their conversation.

Shouto's eyes drifted towards the front of the classroom where the "Bakusquad" were convening around Kaminari's desk. There seemed to be some sort of debate going on between Sero and Ashido, but Todoroki was too far away to hear anything other than Bakugo's occasional outbursts. However, it wasn't their conversation Shouto was concerned about. His eyes were on Bakugo. The blond was carrying on with his friends as he normally did. What was different was the arm he had casually slung around Kirishima's waist as the two sat on the redhead's desk.

Those two were the second, and most recent, pair to start dating in class 1-A. The cat came out of the bag just a few days prior when Iida went up to Bakugo's room to file a noise complaint and ended up walking in on the two engaged in…activities. Once they made their relationship known to the rest of the class, they slowly started being more affectionate around their classmates.

Just this morning the two arrived to class holding hands, and Shouto realized that he'd never held anybody's hand before. It must feel nice, otherwise people wouldn't do it.

_ 'Although I don't know how comfortable it must be to hold Bakugo's hand,' _Shouto thought. _'His hands are always sweating.'_

Not that it really mattered. It wasn't Bakugo's hand he wanted to hold. Shouto's fingers drummed silently on his desk as his mismatched eyes looked to his right.

Midoriya and Iida were talking to Uraraka at her desk. Shouto didn't catch what she said, but whatever she said caused Midoriya to become flustered and wave his hands about. Shouto turned his attention to Midoriya's right hand.

Every time he saw the scars and crooked fingers, he felt a pang in his chest. He knew that Midoriya chose to overuse his quirk during their fight, but it was still because of Shouto that his hand became disfigured. Because he wanted to help Shouto, someone he hardly knew, and ended telling him the words he'd needed to hear his whole life.

_ 'Midoriya really does have a way with words,' _Shouto mused. Despite his habits of muttering to himself and his cases of word vomit, Midoriya just had a way of saying what needed to be said. Clumsy and impulsive as it can be sometimes, the way Midoriya just spills his heart out to people just has a way of reaching into the core of a person and filling it with his own brand of determination.

Shouto would know.

He was brought out of his thoughts when green eyes met his. Shouto tensed, realizing he'd been caught staring.

Midoriya didn't seem to mind, however, as he smiled and gave Shouto a little wave.

Shouto returned the wave (if you could even call it that. He more or less shook his hand slightly) before ducking his head down.

_ 'I hate this,' _he thought to himself. Why couldn't he have given a normal wave? Had he even smiled back at Midoriya? He couldn't remember.

He crossed his arms and laid his head down. All around him his classmates were laughing, talking, and, in Bakugo's case, yelling. They were all so expressive. Shouto wished he could say the same. Growing up in the Todoroki household, a skill that needed to be learned quickly was how to not show emotion. Don't cry, don't talk back, don't show your weakness, don't show pain, don't argue, don't smile or laugh too often because if you have time to be enjoying something that meant you had time to train-

Shouto breathed in deeply. He could hear his sister's voice counting as he breathed in for the normal four seconds, holding it for seven, and exhaling for eight.

He had to lock away his emotions to survive, and now he didn't know how to unlock them. It felt like there was this barrier between him and the rest of his class. When something really funny happens he can let out a small chuckle, but nothing like Ashido's cackling howl. When he's angry he'll glower and speak harshly, but he's never had a meltdown like Bakugo. During movie night when something emotional happens he knows he feels sad and he can feel the urge to cry but it just won't _come out_! There was always something holding him back. It was like a tether that kept him tightly secured to his past and _that house _and no matter how much he tried to run away from it he'd end up being pulled back before he could make it to the door-

The classroom door slid open with a _smack!_

"All of you sit down," Mr. Aizawa growled.

Immediately class 1-A scrambled to get into their seats.

"And before any of you ask," their teacher continued as he dragged his teaching bag, and sleeping bag, behind him. "Traffic was an absolute nightmare because Mt. Lady tripped and took out a bridge, so I am not in the mood for games."

Despite the menacing aura coming off of Mr. Aizawa, Shouto was glad class was starting. It was easier to focus on school. That is, when his eyes weren't drifting towards Midoriya. How he got called a plain-face was beyond Shouto. There wasn't a plain thing about him. In fact, Shouto may have been called the cutest boy in class (now _that _he was completely confused about) but if anybody was the cutest it was-

Shouto realized his face was warm, and his heart was beating ever so faster. _'Oh crap.'_

_**He has more words than his mouth can contain**_

_**All my words can fit on the tip of my tongue**_

_**I wish I could borrow some of his**_

_**But then I would have to ask**_

_**And I don't think**_

_**I have enough**_

_**Words**_

_**For**_

_**That**_

_**I think my emotions need coffee**_

_**Or cold water splashed in their face**_

_**Or a charging cord**_

_**Or a jump scare**_

_**Or an encounter with a villain**_

_**Something to wake them up**_

_**Because I think**_

_**They've been running on 10%**_

_**For a while now**_

_**His hand's gone crooked from overuse**_

_**Mine's stiff from never being used at all**_

_**Maybe if we came together**_

_**We could find a balance**_


	5. You Are Your Own Planet

_i know i_

_should crumble_

_for better reasons_

_but have you seen_

_that boy he brings_

_the sun to its_

_knees every_

_night_

In hindsight, it should have been obvious that Shouto had a crush on Midoriya. Had he grown up like a normal child, perhaps he would have caught on sooner. Shouto never had friends, and he barely even had siblings. He'd never had friends, he didn't need friends, and he wasn't at U.A to make any friends either. That changed after the Sports Festival and the fight with Stain, like so many things changed. Midoriya would say good morning to him as the dual-haired teen passed by him on his way to his desk. He would talk to him about things other than school stuff. He even invited Shouto to sit at the lunch table he shared with Uraraka and Iida. Shouto slowly found himself becoming a part of the 'DekuSquad', and something as banal as a cafeteria lunch became the highlight of Shouto's day. Midoriya was the first friend Shouto ever had, so of course he would hold a special place in his heart! It wasn't until the thought of Midoriya being cute crossed his mind that he realized something was wrong.

Shouto was new to the whole "friendship" thing, but he was fairly sure friends didn't call each other cute. Well, the girls would complement each other's outfits and say the other was looking cute or snatched (Kaminari was a blessing when it came to learning various slang or meme references) but that was more about the outfit or the makeup right? Cute was what Ojiro and Hagakure called each other and what Kaminari said about whoever he was trying to flirt with at the moment.

Shouto pushed down that entire thought process for the rest of homeroom and continued to do so for the rest of the day. He was just being silly. He didn't have a crush, he didn't know the first thing about those kinds of topics. If he just ignored it, he be over it by next week.

.

.

.

_**I thought I knew how cold the world was**_

_**I thought I knew its cruel, frigid teeth**_

_**I thought I knew how it bit when you reached out**_

_**I thought I knew how benumb I was**_

_**But then I saw the sun for the first time**_

_**And realized I thought wrong**_

_**The world was so much colder**_

_**Than I could have imagined**_

_**But it was okay**_

_**Because now I knew the sun**_

_**And learned what warmth felt like**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**His heart is an ocean**_

_**It has to be**_

_**How else could he contain**_

_**All that kindness**_

_**All that forgiveness**_

_**All that determination**_

_**All that selflessness**_

_**All that patience**_

_**In one body?**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**How could you have doubt**_

_**About the wonder you are?**_

_**It's etched in my soul**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**We're an inch apart**_

_**Just sitting on the sofa**_

_**It feels like a mile**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**When I'm with you**_

_**All I can think**_

_**Is how much I want**_

_**To be enveloped by everything**_

_**That is you**_

_**Because you are your own planet**_

_**And I want to live on it**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**His fists could break the earth**_

_**And his smile could heal it**_

A week had passed, and Shouto was _not _over it. In fact, the exact opposite occurred, and Shouto found that it was growing harder to ignore the feeling growing in his chest. He liked Midoriya. He _really _liked Midoriya. In fact, he was certain he liked him too much, because now Shouto couldn't even make eye contact with the other boy without internally screaming. Not that his face showed it. The one perk of growing up in an emotionally abusive household was that he had a good poker face. That was probably one of those thoughts that would have made Midoriya make that sad face and say "Shouto." with such care in his voice that made Shouto melt on the inside.

Midnight's lecture was sent to the back of his mind as Shouto glanced at Midoriya's desk. He smiled to himself as he saw Midoriya's hero notebook hidden in his lap. He was clearly alternating between pretending to pay attention and quickly scribbling notes on who knows which hero in his beloved notebook. Or it could have been a student for that matter. Shouto knew that Midoriya had notes on Bakugo, and had pages on some of their other classmates. He wondered if Midoriya had a page on him. What would he have written? He'd only seen a few pages in Midoriya's notebook before, and all of his notes and diagrams were so detailed and well researched. He was also not too bad of an artist. He did a decent job at drawing heroes like Kamui Woods and Mr. Aizawa. The thought of Midoriya drawing _him_ made Shouto feel-

"Mr. Todoroki!"

Shouto almost fell out of his seat at the _crack! _that came within an inch of his face. It was then he realized that the eyes of his teacher and all his classmates were all on him.

"Thank you for joining us again. Third time's always the charm," Midnight smirked as she returned her whip to her hip. "Is there something on your mind you'd like to share with the class?"

"No ma'am," Shouto answered. "I apologize for being distracted."

"Good, now tell me who was the main founder of the first Sidekicks Union in Japan."

Fortunately Shouto did know the answer, and saved himself from more embarrassment. After Midnight changed the PowerPoint slide and continued her lecture, Shouto still felt eyes on him. He was pretty sure he heard somebody (probably Kaminari) snickering, and others quietly murmuring.

Shouto wrung his hands beneath his desk, and felt the itch that came with too much attention. He dared a glance at Midoriya, and found green eyes staring back at him.

Midoriya gave him a reassuring smile, then mouthed _"Alright?"_

Shouto nodded. _"Tired," _he mouthed back.

The curly haired teen seemed to accept the lie and went back to looking at the presentation.

Shouto forced himself to follow suit and returned to taking notes.

He had a crush on Midoriya. That much he was certain of. What he wasn't certain of was how the hell this happened in the first place.

He never in his life thought about anything close to romance. Since he spent the majority of his life with only his father, and occasionally Fuyumi, as his only source of human interaction, he hadn't exactly been able to go through the childhood crush phases most kids did. Even after coming to U.A the subject never crossed his mind. Did this mean he was gay? That was a whole other can of worms. His first time thinking about sexuality was the night Yaoyorozu came out to him. They'd been in the kitchen one night getting drinks for their study sessions. Shouto was caught off guard when one minute they were talking about their favorite seasons, and next Yaoyorozu blurted "I'm a lesbian!" out of the blue.

Shouto blinked. "Al…right?"

The conversation continued in his bedroom. As the girl went in depth about her feelings and being in the closet (also dropping the other bombshell that she had feelings for Jirou) Shouto started to think inward. He really had no opinion when it came to attraction. He knew what kinds of people were considered conventionally attractive, but he'd just never cared before.

Until Midoriya catapulted himself into his life in a fiery explosion of broken fingers, screaming, and tears. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how _wild _the Sports Festival was. Also fighting for their lives against a serial killer in an alley, and saving their classmate from a kidnapping. Shouto and Midoriya had been through a lot together.

After class, when everyone was back at the dorm and going about their usual after school activities, Shouto was in his room flipping through his notebook. He written a lot more, and had gotten much better. At least he thought his poems were improving. For all he knew he was the worst writer in history and this was just a notebook of garbage-

"It's okay to be bad," he told himself, stopping the self deprecating thoughts. Even if he was awful at it, writing helped him look at his thoughts instead of ignoring them. By the contents of his notebook, it was clear his thoughts at the moment were all about Midoriya. But what was he supposed to do?

Going off of the actions of the two couples in class 1-A, one option he had was to confess his feelings to Midoriya. Immediately his stomach twisted at that thought. He barely understood his own feelings, how was he supposed to explain them to Midoriya? Knowing him, Shouto was bound to make a fool of himself and strain the friendship between them. Nothing could be worse than that. The idea of Midoriya not wanting to be his friend anymore because Shouto had to go and be an awkward weirdo actually made his pulse speed up. Nope, there's no way that'd happening.

_' He could like you back,' _a small, hopeful voice in his head whispered.

If by some tiny, minuscule, heaven-sent miracle Midoriya actually liked him back, what then? Would they date? Shouto knew nothing about having a boyfriend, or being a boyfriend. What kind of relationship could they even have? Midoriya would see how much of a disaster he really was and realize he'd made a mistake.

_ 'Besides, he likes Uraraka,' _Shouto thought bitterly. There was a chance Midoriya wasn't even attracted to guys.

So there was the second option he had. He could copy Yaoyorozu and pine from a distance while he kept his feelings to himself. This seemed the most viable option. He knew that no matter what, he needed Midoriya in his life. If that meant just having him as a friend, Shouto was willing to accept that. He'd dealt with worse things before.

With a sigh of resignation, Shouto looked down at the page he'd flipped to. He'd only recently started to give his poems names. The one on this page he called _"You Are Your Own Planet." _He wasn't very creative in the title department; most of them were just whichever line he thought was the best. He chose that line because it was the best way he could describe the anomaly that was Izuku Midoriya. He truly had the presence of a planet and had a way of pulling everybody into his orbit. Nobody was ever the same after meeting him. He was an inspiration to the class and everyone who met him, even if Midoriya himself didn't realize it.

Shouto chuckled to himself. How could such a force of nature be so humble?

He was a better person because of Midoriya, and he would do everything in his power to maintain their friendship. Even if he did want more.

Inspiration flitted into his head. Picking up his trusty pen, Shouto flipped to a new page and scribbled down the lines before they could disappear from his brain.

_**I know I'll never shine**_

_**As bright as the sun**_

_**But I hope I could be**_

_**Even just a moon**_

_**And reflect his light**_


	6. I May Someday Be Worthy

_i'd be lying if i said_

_you make me speechless_

_the truth is you make my_

_tongue so weak it forgets_

_what language to speak in_

"Is there something that's been bothering you, Todoroki?"

Shouto's brow raised in confusion. Laying his book on his chest, he looked up at Yaoyorozu who stood beside the couch. "Pardon?"

"I'm sorry, that was a bit sudden," she apologized. She fiddled with her fingers. "It's just, you've been off for the past few days and I just wanted to know if everything was alright."

Shouto glanced around the common room. It was a Saturday morning, which meant most of their classmates were still sleeping in. The only other people who had passed through the common room were Bakugou and Kirishima, who left for a morning jog. The teen bit his lip. "There is…something." He got up from his laying position to make room for Yaoyorozu on the couch.

She sat down beside him, smoothing out the wrinkles in her sweatpants. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shouto did not meet her eyes. Instead he focused on the copy of _Where the Sidewalk Ends_ resting in his lap. It would come out easier without eye contact. "Do you remember when you talked to me about Jirou?"

"Of course," she replied, a hint of confusion in her voice.

"I may be in a…similar situation." Had it been anybody else, these words would never have left Shouto's lips. But ever since their final, and especially after what they went through in Kamino, he and Yaoyorozu created a comfortable friendship for themselves. Though she didn't know the whole story of his home life, she did know what it was like to grow up both wealthy and sheltered, so they could relate to each other on that as well.

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a small 'o'. "Todoroki, you-" Yaoyorozu quickly looked around the common room before she leaned in. "-are you saying you're gay?" she whispered.

Shouto's shoulders tensed. Hearing it out loud felt strange, and made it more real. To ground himself he slowly traced the letters of the book's title. "I-I'm not sure. I think," he answered. "I don't really know if I have a specific preference, but I just know that I like _him_."

"'Him' who?"

Oh right. Shouto never said who he was talking about. He should probably do that. Yet, when the name tried to climb out of his throat, something was blocking it.

Yaoyorozu saw the way his face twisted in a nervous grimace and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Todoroki, you know you can tell me. I told you about my feelings, and you have kept you're promise to keep it confidential. You can trust me to do the same."

Shouto looked up.

She was looking at him with sincerity in her dark eyes.

He knew he could trust her; it was just hard to say it. "I'm sorry, it shouldn't be this hard," he sighed.

"It's okay." She patted his back gently.

On instinct Shouto tensed, but he forced himself to relax. Physical affection was something he was still growing accustomed to. He had yet to break his habit of tensing when one of his classmates went to touch him. He at least never flinched.

"Would it be easier if I tried to guess?" asked Yaoyorozu.

"I guess you could try, though that could take a while-"

"Is it Midoriya?"

Shouto's mismatched eyes widened as he sputtered. A small flame formed on his arm, and he had to cancel it before it burned his shirt sleeve.

"I take that as a yes?" Yaoyorozu said, holding a hand to her mouth to hide her smile.

"Don't laugh," Shouto grumbled.

"I'm not." Yet there was mirth in her voice.

"How did you know?"

"Out of everyone in the class, I know you're closest to him. I mean, it defiantly wasn't going to be Bakugou."

Shouto snorted. "God no. How does Kirishima put up with him?"

"I have no idea," Yaoyorozu laughed. "Mina was going on about it having to do with Kirishima being a Libra. She's into all that astrology stuff, but I think Bakugou just got very lucky he found someone so patient and tolerant."

"I agree."

"As for how I could guess it was Midoriya," she leaned back into the couch, her ponytail hanging off the back. "He seems to be the one who knows how to get you out of your shell. You are more at ease around him. And…" She turned her head to look at him. "I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want things to become awkward, but…I was hoping it was Midoriya because I've seen the way _he_ looks at _you_."

Shouto stared at her like she'd just grown a second head. "…what?"

"I'm saying I'm almost positive Midoriya has feelings for you as well."

Multiple sensations passed through Shouto's body. Shock, obviously. _Midoriya_? Like _him_?! Yaoyorozu may as well have slapped him across the face he was so caught off guard. Joy an excitement danced in his chest. Could it really be true? The idea of Midoriya returning his feelings was something his brain couldn't even comprehend. But then, a familiar feeling came and drowned out the other feelings. "No, you're wrong." He shook his head. "There's no way, I'm afraid you're mistaken."

"What do you mean?"

"He can't like me."

"Why do you think that?"

Shouto frowned. "Well for one, he has feelings for Uraraka."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"I've heard it plenty of times in the locker room. When the others are talking about relationships they almost always end up teasing Midoriya about Uraraka, and he gets embarrassed."

"Todoroki, Midoriya gets embarrassed over just about anything."

He chuckled. "That is true." He chose not to add that he thought Midoriya's flustered expression was endearing.

"He may have liked her before, but Todoroki you don't know how he looks at you when you're not paying attention. I have. He definitely doesn't look at Ochako that way."

Despite his inner voice telling him she was dead wrong, he couldn't help but feel the embers of hope being stoked. "How does he look at me?"

"Like you're the most interesting thing in the room," Yaoyorozu replied. "It reminds me of how Kirishima acted around Bakugou before they started dating."

"Can we please stop bringing up Bakugou in regards to my love life?"

Yaoyorozu rolled her eyes. "Ha ha, but seriously Todoroki, I think he likes you, and you should be honest with him about your feelings."

"Interesting advice. By the way, how are you doing with Jirou?"

Shouto had to hold back a smirk at the scandalized look that spread on Yaoyorozu's face. Her mouth opened as if she was going to argue, but instead it closed in an embarrassed pout. "Very well, maybe I'm not one to talk," she huffed. "But your situation is different."

Shouto raised an eyebrow. "How exactly is it different?"

"Because Midoriya clearly likes you," Yaoyorozu argued. "But with Jirou…" The girl's gaze went to her lap, where her hands were balled into fists on her knees. "It's not even the possibility of rejection I'm worried about. I just don't want her to be uncomfortable around me."

"She seems comfortable around Kaminari," said Shouto.

"What does that have to do with it?" she asked, giving him a confused look.

"He's tried flirting with her multiple times and she has rejected him every time. Yet they still are friendly with one another."

"If by friendly you mean making fun of each other at every opportunity."

"Hasn't that always been what they do?"

Yaoyorozu chuckled. "Good point."

The pair sat in an unsure silence.

It was Shouto who broke the pregnant pause. "Do you really think he feels that way for me?" he asked quietly.

"I really do," replied Yaoyorozu. "And what do you think? About Jirou and myself?"

"I'm not good at reading other people's feelings, so to be honest I don't know." Shouto confessed. He turned to look at the other teen. "But I think you are a good person, and anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Todoroki…"

Shouto stiffened at the sight of Yaoyorozu's quivering lip and watering eyes. "Did I upset you?" He meant to reassure her. But that clearly backfired. "I'm sorry I-"

"No you're fine," the teen girl's voice came out choked as she wiped at her eyes. "You're a really good friend, you know that?"

"I- thanks?" As far as he knew, good friends didn't make their friends cry, but there was a lot about people Shouto still didn't know.

Yaoyorozu startled him further by grasping his hands in hers. "And anybody should be honored to have you as well. Even if Midoriya does not share your feelings I am positive you will find somebody wonderful." She shook his hands as if to get her point across. She released his hands and stood from the couch.

"I've been overthinking things again," Yaoyorozu declared. "We're training to become heroes aren't we?" She clenched her hands into fists. "Being a hero is all about taking risks. Love should be no different!"

"Yes?" Shouto was still trying to figure out how she went from crying (but not upset crying) to standing triumphant and motivated.

"So that settles it." She turned back to Shouto, a determined gleam in her eye. "You and I are both going to face our worries head on and tell Midoriya and Jirou how we feel!"

"R-right _now_?" The thought made Shouto's insides twist up.

It also seemed to deflate Yaoyorozu. "Oh heavens no!" She waved her hands frantically. "There needs to be plans made, strategies formed! This isn't something to be spontaneous about."

"Didn't Bakugou and Kirishima confess to one another in the middle of weight lifting?"

"Yes but…they're a unique case," Yaoyorozu replied. Her eyes glanced at something behind Shouto which made them widen. "Look at the time. I need to get to the showers before I fall behind schedule." As she passed by Shouto she gave his shoulder a quick pat. "Have faith, Todoroki, we will get through this gauntlet together!"

And just like that, she was gone down the hallway.

Shouto exhaled and sunk back into the couch. It wasn't even noon and yet he was already exhausted. Perhaps he should go take a nap in his room. Naps were another new thing he discovered after moving into the dorms, since he finally had actual downtime. He found that naps were wonderful.

He peeled himself from the comfortable embrace of the couch and with his book under his arm he trudged his way towards the elevator. He could have just napped on the couch, his classmates did it all the time. However, he never felt comfortable sleeping outside his dorm. When he was in the common room, there was always the inkling in the back of his head that his father will appear at anytime and catch him slacking off which would lead to-

Shouto cut off that train of thought before it could snowball into something darker.

'_He's not here,' _he told himself. He pressed the button for the elevator and took several deep breaths.

As much as he hated such a loathsome man getting the title, having his father be the number one hero meant that he was busier than ever. Far too busy to be concerned with what his son was up to. He was at school 24/7, so his itinerary was something Endeavor could add to the files of things not to care about.

Shouto stepped onto the elevator and punched in the number for his floor. He was safe here, surrounded by people who seemed to actually care for him.

He just had to convince the rest of his mind.

_**There's a monster hiding behind the corner**_

_**I know he's there**_

_**He's always there**_

_**That's why**_

_**When someone walks behind the couch**_

_**I stiffen**_

_**Because I think**_

_**It's him**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**He pokes and prods**_

_**At the things you tried to keep locked away**_

_**He meddles and intervenes**_

_**At the things you say to leave be**_

_**He argues and disobeys**_

_**When you tell him to give up on you**_

_**He rips away everything you say about yourself**_

_**And replaces it with everything you need to hear**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Perhaps scars are not all ugly**_

_**He is painted with them**_

_**And nothing about him can be ugly**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**He makes me think that perhaps**_

_**I may someday be worthy**_

_**Of the kind words he's gifted me**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

"Guys, guys. guys ohmygodyouwon'tbelievewhatjusthappened!"

Shouto watched as a happily frantic Ashido sprinted out of the elevator and towards the rest of the group congregated around the television.

"Do not run while wearing socks, it is slipping hazard!" Iida scolded the pink girl, complete with chopping motions.

"So did you get my phone?" Kirishima asked. He and Sero were trying to set up the redhead's Play Station for the night's movie.

"Oh I got your phone," Ashido said, tossing the device to the redhead. "I also got some tea, and y'all, it's SCALDING!"

"Just tell us already, _god_," Bakugou snapped. It's normally hard to look threatening while slouched in a watermelon patterned bean-bag chair, but the prickly blond managed it.

"So I was in Kirishima's room getting the phone, yeah? And I come out just in time to see Shouji asking Tokoyami out!"

There was a collection of gasps and other surprised noises.

"No freaking way!" Hagakure squealed.

"Yes way!" Ashido squealed back. "It was so friggin cute. Shouji went on one knee and was like, reciting some goth poetry or something. Very romantic."

"_C'est magnifique_!" Aoyama proclaimed with his signature sparkly flourish. "Another pair of _les amoureux_ we can cross off the list!" He and Ashido shared a high-five, much to confusion of their classmates.

"Uh, what do you mean by a list?" asked Jirou.

"Oh nothing," the pink girl replied.

Before anybody else could question the two, the elevator _dinged_ and the doors slid open.

"I bet it's them!" Ashido grinned.

Sure enough, both Shouji and Tokoyami exited the elevator together. As they walked towards the others, Shouto could the two were holding hands.

"Aww there's the two lovebirds!" Kaminari teased.

Tokoyami let out a tired sigh. "Already, Ashido?"

"Whaaat?" Ashido whined. "It's not like you said not to tell anyone."

"Congratulations to you two," Asui said to the pair.

"Thanks," Shouji replied. His hand left Tokoyami's and moved to wrap around the smaller teen's shoulders.

The girls all let out various "Awwww!"s while some of the boys hooted and whistled.

Despite looking like he was trying to hide in the bigger teen's side, Shouto could see that Tokoyami was smiling. The Tokoyami equivalent of a smile, that is.

_'Good for them,'_ Shouto thought. He didn't know the two very well, but

Unfortunately, like most good things, something's always swoops in the snuff it out. And in this case, like most cases, the snuffer was Mineta.

"Wait, are you two seriously dating?"

"Yeah, we are." The mouth at the end of Shouji's tentacle frowned slightly at Mineta's seemingly judgmental tone.

"First Bakugou and Kirishima end up being gay, but _you too_, Shouji?"

"Dude, what's it matter?" Kaminari asked.

"I mean, at least go for one of the handsome ones like Todoroki or Iida," the grape-haired teen continued, oblivious to the tension rising in the room. "Like how are you too supposed to even make out? He doesn't even have a mouth!" Mineta point a stubby finger at Tokoyami, as if nobody knew who he was referring to.

As everyone yelled at Mineta for his rudeness, Shouto watched as Tokoyami shrunk in on himself. Hurt was clear on the teen's face as he shifted away from Shouji's side.

Anger flared up in Shouto's stomach. He was silent as he walked up behind Mineta and grabbed the tiny teen by the back of his shirt.

"H-hey!" He squawked as he was hoisted into the air. "What are you doing Todoro-"

Shouto pulled Mineta's face close to his until their noses were just centimeters apart. "You will not make another comment about Shouji and Tokoyami's relationship." The boiling glare in Shouto's eyes had the right effect, as Mineta's eyes widened in fear.

You could have heard a pin drop as Shouto dropped Mineta back to the floor.

"Just because _you're_ going to die alone doesn't mean you get to make other people feel bad about their relationships."

At that the class lost it.

Laughter and shouts filled the common room as an angry Mineta stomped his way towards the elevator.

"Fucking roasted!" Mina cackled.

As Shouto returned to his seat on the couch Kaminari grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Dude I'm gonna have to call the cops 'cuz I just witnessed a god damn _assassination_!"

Shouto blinked. "I'm not sure why speaking the truth is so funny to everyone."

That only proceeded to make his classmates laugh more.

"Geez dude, you're low-key a savage," Kaminari wheezed between laughs.

"What's so funny?" Everyone turned at the sound of Satou's voice. He, Yaoyorozu, and Kouda were on popcorn duty, and returned with three huge buckets of the stuff.

"You just missed Todoroki taking Mineta down a peg," Kirishima snickered.

"He deserved it," Yaoyorozu nodded.

"You don't even know what happened," Jirou said.

"I don't have to, he always deserves it."

Jirou covered her mouth as she snorted.

Shouto saw the pleased smile that graced Yaoyorozu's face from seeing the other girl laugh.

Once everyone calmed down, it was back to getting the seating arrangements in order and distributing snacks and drinks.

"That was definitely a surprise."

Shouto looked over at Midoriya, who was seated beside him on the couch.

Midoriya sat at the far left of the large green couch, leaning mostly on the arm to get some space. Shouto was squished between him and Kaminari to his right. Beside him was a seat saved for Sero (as the night's movie chooser, he had claim to the middle of the couch, aka the best movie viewing seat) and taking up the right end were Uraraka and Asui. It was normal for the smaller of classmates to sit on the couch, as it allowed more people to fit on it. The teens on the thicker side like Iida, Satou, and Shouji normally got an armchair to themselves. Everyone else tended to just spread out on the floor, either sitting with their back against the legs of the couch and chair sitters, or on whatever bean-bags or pillows people brought down from their dorms.

"I certainly wasn't expecting it," replied Shouto.

"They are a bit of an odd couple." Midoriya put his hand to his chin in thought. "Then again they are always hanging out with one another. They are both kinda quiet guys so that also makes sense."

"I hope they're happy," said Shouto. He looked over to the armchair housing both Shouji and Tokoyami. The bird-like teen sat on his new boyfriend's lap turned sideways while a pair of Shouji's arms held him around the waist. Tokoyami was small enough that he looked fairly comfortable as he leaned against Shouji's chest.

A picture popped into Shouto's head, of himself and Midoriya in a similar position. He quickly used his right side to cool himself down before a blush could form.

"Are you two done fucking around with that thing?" Bakugou asked the set-up crew.

"As a matter of fact, we are," Kirishima said back to his boyfriend. "Thank you so much for your patience." The sarcasm dripped from his pointed teeth.

"So what's the movie?" Ashido asked. She currently sat on the floor and between Kaminari's legs.

"For tonight's screening, and for all of your viewing pleasure," Sero announced as the TV came to life with the Play Station home screen. "We shall be watching a little film called _Train to Busan_."

"Hold on, isn't that a scary movie?" Hagakure asked nervously.

"It's an old zombie flick," Kaminari replied.

The invisible girl cuddled closer to her boyfriend. "Why's it gotta be scary?" she whined.

"This is classic cinema," Sero argued, holding out the DVD case.

"Have you seen this movie?" Shouto asked Midoriya.

"No, but I've heard of it," the freckled teen replied. He didn't ask Shouto whether he'd seen the film. He knew that the answer would be 'no.' "I'm not really into zombie stuff, but it is a classic."

"That means it's good, right?"

Midoriya chuckled. "I mean, there are a lot of classic movies that suck, but usually something becomes a classic because people like it."

Shouto nodded. "That makes sense."

"Except there's the "so bad it's good" classics," Kaminari cut in.

Shouto raised a brow. "Is that not an oxymoron? How could something be so bad that it becomes good?"

"Todoroki, my dear sweet child, allow me to tell you the tale of a little film called _Troll 2_-"

"Pikachu shut up, movie's starting!" Bakugou growled.

Just as he said, the lights were turned off and Sero pressed the button on his controller to start the movie. The lanky teen took his seat on the couch, which forced Shouto to sit even closer to Midoriya.

Not that he minded.

"Geez it's crowded," Midoriya grumbled. He was shifting and moving trying to become more comfortable. "Hey," he whispered to Shouto.

Shouto tried to ignore the shiver that went up his spine at feeling Midoriya whisper in his ear. "Yes?"

"My arm's kinda squished." Midoriya pulled his right arm from where it was wedged between the two boys. He stretched it behind Shouto, not actually on his shoulders but hovering above them. "Do you mind…?"

It took Shouto's brain a few seconds to register what Midoriya was asking. Once it hit him he did his best to keep his face neutral. "Go ahead," he whispered.

Midoriya nodded, mouthing thanks, as he rested his arm around Shouto's shoulders.

'_This is for space reasons,'_ Shouto told himself. Yet he couldn't deny that the weight of Midoriya's muscled arm was a comforting one. Yet he could not allow himself to lean into the other boy for fear of giving away his feelings. His back was ramrod straight throughout the opening credits. He dared look over at Midoriya, who appeared engrossed in the film. Shouto continued to look at Midoriya as he slowly allowed himself to relax into the couch. Midoriya seemed unbothered, unlike Shouto who was very much the opposite of unbothered. He hoped Midoriya would mistake the heat radiating off of Shouto's skin as just a normal by-product of his left side.

Movies were usually just ninety minutes long. Surely Shouto could last that long without making a fool of himself.

Right?


	7. Let Me In

_what am i to you _he asks

i put my hands in his lap

and whisper _you_

_are every hope_

_i've ever had_

_in human form_

* * *

"Run you idiots!" Ashido screamed. Despite her clear warning, the idiots in question did not run away and were subsequently eaten by the hoard of zombies.

Shouto didn't understand why some of his classmates felt the need to yell and or talk at the television. It wasn't like the characters could hear them. The two who did it the most were Ashido and Bakugou, and what usually followed was an order to be quiet from Iida.

Shouto reached over to the popcorn bowl in Sero's lap while keeping his eyes glued to the screen. At first Shouto thought this was going to be just another okay horror movie, but he found he was actually interested in the story and characters. He was engrossed enough that his mind was taken off Midoriya's arm resting on his shoulders. Okay, it was still in the back of his mind, but he no longer felt like steam was about to come out of his ears so that had to be worth something.

Shouto had seen a few horror movies before, all of them a part of 1-A's Saturday movie nights. Jump scares did manage to startle him, but normally he spent the movie questioning the characters' foolish decisions instead of being concerned for their safety. This film had him on edge almost the whole time, both because he actually did care about the characters, as well as the claustrophobic setting of a train full of zombies.

"No not him!" Hagakure cried when Sang-hwa was bitten while saving the rest of the passengers.

Bakugou began cussing out the selfish business man who had left the others to be taken by zombies. He and Kirishima shared the watermelon beanbag chair.

Shouto felt a lump form in his throat as Sang-hwa finally gave his wife the name for their baby. He heard sniffling beside him and Midoriya took his arm off of his shoulders. Shouto turned and saw him wiping at his eyes. Midoriya getting emotional during movies was not a new phenomenon. Still, Shouto didn't like to see the curly haired teen upset.

_'Should I say something?' _he thought. But talking during a movie was rude and was likely to get a scolding from Iida, which would only bring attention to Midoriya. What would Midoriya do?

Trying to channel his inner Midoriya, Shouto placed his hand on the other teen's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

Midoriya turned his head at the touch. He blinked his big green eyes as the light from the television made them almost sparkle.

_'Why is he so cute?!' _Shouto internally screamed. He grew nervous at the confused look that formed on Midoriya's face. Was he supposed to do more? Hoping to save this interaction, Shouto gave Midoriya's shoulder two rather stiff pats.

Midoriya blinked again, and then his confused look melted into a smile. "Thanks, Todoroki," he whispered.

Shouto nodded in return, pleased he'd managed to help.

He felt Midoriya's arm return to its spot across his shoulders, and this time Shouto did not tense.

* * *

"The fuck?" a teary-eyed Kaminari croaked.

Half the class was in some form of crying as the infected Seok-woo jumped from the train to save his daughter from himself.

Even Sero, who had already seen the film, was sniffling next to Shouto.

The lump in Shouto's throat grew and eyes misted. All throughout the movie Seok-woo had worked to prove to his daughter he cared about her, and when he finally did he had to die? Seeing such a caring and loving father make the ultimate sacrifice for his child really affected him, even knowing it was all fake. But he still did not cry.

_That_ didn't come until the end of the movie.

As the two survivors shuffled their way through the dark tunnel, class 1-A sat on the edges of their various seats waiting to see whether the soldier was really going to shoot them.

"Don't fucking do it," Bakugou growled at the television screen.

Iida was too engrossed to even scold him.

Gasps filled the common room as the soldier's finger touched the trigger.

Then it happened. Echoing off the tunnel walls was the sound of singing as the little girl mournfully sang "Aloha 'Oe".

Shouto felt like he'd been struck.

_"Aloha ʻoe, aloha ʻoe, e ke onaona noho i ka lipo…" His mother swayed in place as she held him on her hip. She was making miso for dinner, and with her other arm she stirred the soup._

_ Shouto closed his eyes, lulled by the rhythm and his mother's gentle voice. She hugged him closer and he nuzzled his face into her shoulder._

"_One fond embrace, a hoʻi aʻe au, Until we meet again…"_

"Todoroki stop!"

His mother's embrace vanished, and was replaced by hands gripping his forearms.

He felt like somebody dumped freezing water over him. He looked up and saw Iida staring him down with an almost panicked look on his face. Why was Iida so close- oh, he was the one who shook him from his stupor.

Shouto looked around. The credits were rolling. Popcorn was all over the floor. Everybody was out of their seats. How did everybody get up so quickly?

"Are you alright?" Iida asked him.

Alright? Why would he not be alright? Iida was still holding onto his arms, which was starting to get uncomfortable. Shouto went to take his classmate's hands away, but instead of flesh he was met with ice. Shouto quickly looked down.

Iida's hands were frozen to his arms.

Shouto immediately melted the ice from Iida's hands, sputtering out apologies. It was then he realized the ice had encased the entire couch and started to spread along the floor. How did this happen? One moment he was watching the movie, then a second later he was here.

It was almost as an afterthought that Shouto noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Shouto stumbled to his feet, and everyone gave him a wide berth. His eyes darted back and forth between what he'd done and his classmates staring at him.

How could he not notice he'd been using his quirk? He could have hurt somebody, Iida could have gotten frostbite. The couch was probably ruined and now there was popcorn everywhere and the carpet was frozen and he ruined the movie for everyone and-

Shouto tried to apologize but the words caught in his throat like cotton. Everybody was still staring at him and suddenly all of their eyes were burning on his skin and the thoughts were bouncing off of his skull and the room felt so small-

He had to leave.

Shouto could hear his classmates shout his name as he ran from the common room, but the sound was muffled like it was underwater. He ran up the stairs, the elevator forgotten. He thought leaving would let him breathe again but it somehow got _worse._ He could feel his heartbeat battering in his chest and pulsing in his ears.

He tried to do his breathing exercise, tried to imagine the voice of his sister counting out the beats. But his breathing was coming in too quick now, and he couldn't hear his sister over his heartbeat. Just a few doors down from his dorm, Shouto found himself curled up, back against the wall and arms around his legs.

'_What is wrong with me?' _He's endured villain attacks and his father's wrath. Why did a stupid little song send him over the edge? He dug his nails into the fabric of his jeans. He could feel the shaking begin and could do nothing to stop it. He could never escape it. No matter how much time has passed, no matter what he does, his past always comes back to haunt him. Even after his fight with Midoriya unlocking some of his repressed memories of his mother, and beginning to rekindle his relationship with her, it's still hard to remember the good without a wave of awful to ride in behind it.

Why can't he just overcome it? Why can't he be free from it? Why was he so weak?

"Todoroki?"

Shouto was not surprised it was Midoriya's voice he heard.

"Hey, Todoroki can you hear me?"

Shouto could hear him, but his voice was paralyzed. It felt like if he moved from his curled position everything would fall apart. His breathing was still out of sorts, on the verge of becoming true hyperventilating.

"I'm just gonna sit down, okay?"

Shouto heard the shuffling of fabric as Midoriya carefully sat down in front of him.

"If you can hear me, can you give me thumbs up?"

His hands remained locked around his knees. However, with much effort, Shouto stuck his thumb up.

"Okay, awesome job." Midoriya's voice was gentler than Shouto could ever remember. "I'm gonna start taking deep breaths, can you copy me?"

Just then Shouto sucked in an especially shaky breath and ended up choking on it.

"It's okay," Midoriya said. "Listen to my breaths and try and follow them. Can you do that?"

Focusing on Midoriya's voice was starting to help clear the fog in Shouto's head. He gave the teen another thumbs up.

"That's good, Todoroki. You can do this."

Shouto wasn't sure how long they sat on that floor, just breathing together. At one point Midoriya started counting them out. Once it was over, and Shouto's breathing leveled out, he felt exhausted.

His back ached from being hunched over for so long. He slowly straightened his back and lifted his head.

Midoriya gave him a soft smile. "Hey."

"Hi," Shouto replied quietly.

"How're you feeling?"

"Like shit." Shouto swallowed some spit in an attempt to ease his aching throat. "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"To help?"

"Oh!" Midoriya scratched the back of his head and looked away. "I mean, anxiety takes up about 70 percent of my mental capacity, so you could say I'm an expert…"

That managed to garner a small smile from Shouto. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," Midoriya replied. He shuffled over so he was sitting beside Shouto against the wall. "Anxiety attacks suck. My mom was always the one to help me get through them, and I know how scary they are when you're alone."

"My sister would help me," Shouto toyed with a loose string from his sweatshirt. "when she could."

"I'm sorry."

Shouto shook his head. "No, I am the one who should be apologizing."

"For what?"

"I ruined the night and caused everyone distress." Remembering the looks on his classmates' faces made him grimace.

"What? Todoroki you didn't 'ruin' anything. They were worried about you."

"They should _have _to worry," Shouto insisted. He glared down at the floor, his hands fisted in his lap. "I should be above this. I shouldn't be so weak as to let a stupid movie send me into a fit."

"Hey, stop right there." The shift in Midoriya's tone caught Shouto off guard.

He looked up and saw Midoriya staring him down with a steely expression. "Having anxiety does not make you weak. It took me forever to learn that but you're gonna hear it right now: anxiety does not make you weak. _You _are not weak."

Shouto opened his mouth but Midoriya was not finished.

"I'm serious, Todoroki, you are so much stronger than you think."

Shouto wanted to reply, but the way Midoriya stared him down with such sincerity made him believe the freckled teen in that moment. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I feel like such a mess." Shouto wiped at the dried tears crusting his cheeks. His eyes were sore and heavy, and he knew they had to be red. His whole body felt tired and grimy, like he'd just waded through tar.

"Hey Todoroki?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you…like a hug?" The steeliness in Midoriya's voice was very much gone. It was replaced by the unsure tone Shouto was used to. "I mean, I like hugs after having an episode but if you don't that's okay-"

"I would," Shouto interrupted. "I'd like one."

"Okay."

When Midoriya wrapped his arms around Shouto, a burdensome weight was peeled from his back. Too tired for shame, he melted into the embrace, clutching to Midoriya like he were a lifeline. He smelled like pears and popcorn. After the time passed that of the average platonic hug, Shouto felt the other teen start to pull away.

"Wait." On instinct Shouto tightened his hold on Midoriya's shoulders. "Can we…" Once again the words he wanted to say were held back. The invisible barrier was back.

'_No.' _Shouto thought. Not this time. This time he heaved himself against it, and it slightly bent. "Can we…a little longer?"

"Of course, whatever you want," Midoriya quickly replied.

They settled back against the wall with Shouto somewhat laying against Midoriya. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but to Shouto it felt like heaven. He could count the amount of hugs he'd received past the age of four on one hand. This one was by far his favorite.

"Are you up to talking about what happened?"

Shouto let out a deep sigh. "The song," he mumbled. "My mother sang it…"

"Oh." Midoriya put the pieces together. He was quite good at that.

"But, it wasn't just remembering." His eyes followed the freckles on Midoriya's neck. "It was like I was there, just for a second. Then Iida yelled at me and suddenly I was back in the common room and I saw what I did and everyone staring at me."

Midoriya must have heard the tension in his voice because he started rubbing the other teen's back.

"I was overwhelmed."

"It makes sense," Midoriya replied. "Has this happened to you before?"

"The Sports Festival. When you…when you told me it was my quirk, that I was my own person, it made me remember so much. So many memories that were lost just all came back then. And…" his voice grew quiet. "at home, I did lose track of time a lot. When things got bad I would just…check out. But it wasn't always remembering things, it was just nothingness. There's been so many times when I don't ever remember what happened during training sessions with my father."

Shouto heard Midoriya mutter something under his breath. "What'd you say?"

"Just adding some things to the list of reasons why I wanna kick you father's ass."

The corners of Shouto's mouth turned upward. "I wouldn't recommend it. You'll miss a lot of class if you're stuck in the burn unit."

"You're right. I'll wait until he's eighty and I have a shot against him."

"You'd fight an elderly man?"

"I won't rest easy until I've punched Endeavor at least once for the crap he's done to you."

A warmth bloomed in Shouto's chest. It was one thing having somebody else know about his family situation. But knowing that Midoriya was willing to fight the No. 1 hero on his behalf? Shouto sighed. "Why do you even bother with me, Midoriya?"

"Because you're amazing."

That sent Shouto's heart into an absolute tizzy, and a good one this time. "You say that about all our classmates," he mumbled into Midoriya's shoulder.

"Well yes maybe, our class _is _amazing. But Todoroki you're just-" Midoriya became silent, confusing Shouto.

"I'm just what?" he asked, lifting his head to face the other teen.

"I-it's nothing," Midoriya stammered.

"You think I'm nothing?"

"What?! No! I would never think that-!" Midoriya's worried expression became a pout at the sight of Shouto's amused smirk. "You're mean."

"So tell me what you were going to say."

Midoriya huffed through his nose. "Can you sit up for a sec?"

Shouto complied, though he already longed to return to Midoriya's comforting embrace. The two sat cross-legged across from each other, their knees touching.

"What I was going to say," Midoriya started. His eyes were on the floor, Shouto noted. "Was that you're really important to me. That's why I get frustrated when you're always putting yourself down. You're such an incredible person and it makes me sad you don't see it."

Shouto felt the right side of his face grow warm. "But I can't even socialize."

Midoriya looked up, his face scrunch in confusion. "What do you mean? You socialize all the time."

"But not like the others," Shouto pressed. The words were starting to come out on their own. "I don't have the same amount of emotions as you all. It's like they're all set to 'low'. I can't smile, can't laugh, cry, make conversation-"

"May I cut in?" Midoriya asked. "All those things you just said? That's who you _used _to be."

Shouto's brow rose. "What?"

"When the year first started, yeah all of that was pretty true. You didn't talk to anyone and you just this stoic, cold person. But after the Sports Festival? You changed so much. You're an entirely different person. I know that most of this comes from your past and your home life, but I don't think you realize how much you've grown as a person. You're a quiet person, okay so are Tokoyami, Shouji, Kouda, Tsu, even Mr. Aizawa. Not everybody needs to be as social and out there as people like Kaminari, Ashido, or Aoyama. Actually it's better the whole class is like that, I don't think Kacchan could handle that."

Shouto let out a snort, which made Midoriya smile. "See, you do laugh! Also for the record, you're probably one of the funniest people in class."

Shouto's mismatched eyes widened. "I am?"

"Yes! Todoroki you have said some of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. Remember 'The Hand Crusher'? Iida was in tears laughing and it made my sides hurt. And you don't even realize it most of the time, which the funniest people tend to be the ones who don't even try. And you're such a genuine person. You don't sugar coat things and are always honest with people, but you're not mean about it. You care about others and are always there to help and it's one of the things I love about you-"

Both boys realized at the same time what Midoriya just said. Time froze.

Shouto's jaw hung open while Midoriya turned a dark shade of red, his eyes wide as dinner plates.

"W-what'd you say?" Shouto slowly stammered.

Midoriya was looking anywhere but at the other teen. In fact he looked like he was about to book it.

Shouto swallowed, still not entirely sure what was happening. "Midori-"

"Ilikeyou." The words shot from his mouth. Midoriya's hands balled into fists in his lap. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked almost frustrated, though Shouto was in too much shock to wonder why. "I've liked you for a while now and I've tried so hard not to make a fool of myself every time I'm around you and be super obvious. I didn't want things to be weird between us. You mean the world to me and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable just because I had a pointless crush."

"Pointless?" Somehow Shouto managed to get a hold of his vocal cords once more.

Midoriya let out a laugh. It wasn't the laugh Shouto was used to. It was a sad, almost bitter laugh. "Well there's no way anything was ever gonna happen. You're way out of my league and you like Yaoyorozu, so pointless is the proper word."

"I don't like Yaoyorozu."

Midoriya blinked owlishly at him. "You don't?"

Shouto shook his head. "She's my friend. And…and I thought you liked Uraraka?"

"Well I mean I _did_," Midoriya admitted embarrassingly. "At the beginning of the year but to be honest she was the first girl that ever talked to me so that kinda had something to do with it. I realized later that I see her more as a friend. It was right around the time I started to realize that I liked…you."

Shouto was speechless. Nervously he wrung his hands as he tried to collect what few brain cells he had left.

"I'm sorry," Midoriya said. "I shouldn't have dumped this all on you, especially right now, after you just calm down."

"I like you too." The words came out effortlessly, like water pouring from a fountain.

Midoriya's face somehow grew more shocked. "Y-you do?" he squeaked.

Shouto nodded, his face impossibly warm.

The curly haired teen blinked. "Huh, wow uh, seriously?" He pointed to himself. "Me? You actually like _me_?"

Shouto rolled his eyes. "No I like the other Midoriya Izuku in our class." By some miracle Midoriya being the more flustered one was helping Shouto remain calm.

"Sorry, sorry, I guess I'm just in shock?" Midoriya laughed nervously. "I didn't think this would ever happen."

"Neither did I."

A silence fell over the boys.

This whole time, as Shouto tried to mask his feelings for Midoriya, pining for him while also mourning what could not be, Midoriya had been doing the same? Shouto felt almost foolish. It seems the small voice that tried to convince him it was possible was right. Yaoyorozu was also right it seemed.

Midoriya coughed, breaking the silence. "Sooo-" he scratched at his cheek "-what do we do now?"

"I don't know." Shouto looked down at his lap. "Midoriya, I have no idea how to be in a relationship," he confessed.

"I haven't been in one either," Midoriya replied.

"No I mean I have _no idea _what to do in a relationship," Shouto clarified. "I have no idea how to be a boyfriend or have a boyfriend. I'm probably going to mess things up."

"That's okay. We can make mistakes together."

"I'm still not totally comfortable with physical contact."

"I understand and will go at your pace."

Shouto crossed his arms, shielding himself from the emotions beginning to stir. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Todoroki…" Midoriya said softly. "You would never hurt somebody on purpose, I know that."

The duel-haired teen bit his lip. It seemed Midoriya had a rebuttal for everything Shouto's anxious mind was throwing at him.

"We don't have to if you seriously don't want to, but I would really like to date you."

"I would to." Shouto's voice came out choked. He looked up and gave Midoriya a watery smile. "I really do, Midoriya."

A scarred and crooked hand took Shouto's as Midoriya help both teens stand up.

This time it was Shouto who initiated the hug. He wrapped his arms around Midoriya's shoulders while the other boy held his waist. Having three inches on him meant Shouto could rest his chin atop Midoriya's head.

"Thank you for coming after me," he said into the head of curls.

The hold on his waist tightened. "I'll always be here for you, Todoroki."

_**I have somehow convinced him**_

_**That I am worthy of his care**_

_**Perhaps someday**_

_**I can become the person**_

_**He thinks I am**_

_**I hope so**_

_**Because that person**_

_**Sounds wonderful**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

"_**Let me in"**_

_**He says**_

_**I finally did**_

_**And he did not run**_

_**Yet**_


	8. My Ocean Will Come

_i do not need the kind of love_

_that is draining_

_i want someone who energizes me_

Despite what movies and books portray, the universe did not reinvent itself after Shouto got himself a boyfriend.

He had just finished tying his tie when he heard his phone _ding_. He turned towards his desk and looked at his phone's now lit screen. Sure enough, there was a text from a certain someone. After buttoning his school jacket, Shouto picked up his phone and opened his texts.

_**Midoriya: **__Mornin! ( ◜◒◝ )__ u up?_

Shouto smiled and his chest felt warm. The universe did not reinvent itself, but small things did change. In the days following Midoriya's accidental confession, Shouto discovered he'd unlocked a new mode of texting from the curly haired teen. It was a small change, texts from Midoriya now ending often times with a heart or some sort of affectionate emoticon. It was not that much different from how Midoriya always texted, he used silly faces all the time. Regardless of how small of a change it was, it still meant the world to Shouto.

_**Me: **__Good morning, Midoriya. 3 I just finished getting dressed._

_**Midoriya: **__It's not even 6 how r u such a morningperson? (´__;) __？_

_**Me: **__¯\\_(__ツ__)_/¯ I still sleep in longer than I used to at home._

_**Midoriya: **__dear god im comin to urroom prepare to be hugged_

Shouto rolled his eyes. Midoriya's mind worked so fast his fingers rarely kept up, so his texts were often littered with typos and lack of spacing. It was also funny how Midoriya would react when Shouto would bring up small things about his home life. Granted, it probably _wasn't _something Shouto should have found amusing, but hey, what can you do?

_**Me: **__Okay. My door will be unlocked, so just come in. _

_**Midoriya: **__oki doki see ya in a bit (*´__`*)_

_**Me: **__( ^3^)/ 3_

_**Midoriya: (***__**ﾟ**____**ﾟ**__***)**_

_**Me: **__( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

Part of him still found the little faces a bit silly, but the more he got used to texting with his friends and his boyfriend, he found they were kind of cute. Especially when Midoriya did it. He set his phone aside and double checked his bag to make sure he had everything he needed for the day. Aside from his ever immaculate desk, the rest of his room had become a bit cluttered. Most of which being his laundry that just never seemed to make it into the laundry basket. Call it a petty act of rebellion, a jab at the military-like standards Endeavor kept for his bedroom at home. He finally had a safe space of his own, and he wanted to have a cluttered room, he'd have one! That being said, Shouto added 'doing laundry' to his evening schedule.

He soon heard the door slide open.

Shouto turned around. "Good morning," he said to his boyfriend.

Said boyfriend attempted to greet him back, but it was lost in a yawn.

"What has you up so early?" Shouto asked.

"Iida and Uraraka wanted to get breakfast from the cafeteria before class," he explained.

Students generally had two options for breakfast: make something yourself from the dorm kitchen, or go to the cafeteria for breakfast. Lunch Rush's breakfasts were as amazing as his other food, but you had to get up earlier to be able to make it to class. Food from the dorm kitchen was usually basic (unless you could cook like Satou or Bakugo) but you had more time before class to relax or sleep in.

"Sounds good," Shouto replied. He turned to close his laptop when strong arms pulled him into an embrace.

Midoriya laughed at the squeak of surprise Shouto let out. "Told ya to be prepared for a hug."

"I don't think I'll ever be prepared," Shouto mumbled into his boyfriend's shoulder.

It was amazing how open Midoriya was with affection. Shouto felt his heart do flips at the smallest gestures, and he didn't understand how Midoriya could give them so casually. Of course it was only when the two boys were alone.

They hadn't told anybody they were dating yet. It was Shouto who requested the secrecy. It wasn't that he was embarrassed or ashamed of dating Midoriya, far from it. However, being in a relationship was still very new to him, and Shouto wanted time where he and Midoriya could figure things out together without the influence of their classmates. They meant well, but Shouto knew all the attention and teasing from his peers would overwhelm him. Midoriya understood and didn't hesitate to agree to Shouto's request.

It still blew Shouto's mind how much of a supportive and understanding person Midoriya was. Shouto still had trouble initiating physical intimacy; not that what they had done so far was really close to what people would call 'intimate.' During class they pretended to just be friends, and maybe one could notice the two sat closer together or were more likely to pat each other on the back. When they were alone they always greeted each other with a hug. They held hands and when they were studying or just hanging out, it was usually accompanied by cuddling.

It was rather chaste, but it was the pace that made Shouto comfortable and Midoriya was in no rush either.

"Got everything?" Midoriya asked as Shouto slung his backpack over his shoulders.

"Mmhm, did you remember to finish the work Present Mic gave us? It's do today."

Midoriya let out a groan of despair as the two left Shouto's room. "Yeah I did it."

"So what's the problem?"

"It's garbage," Midoriya sighed. With the hallway empty, he took Shouto's hand in his as they walked towards the elevator. "I hate English grammar, it makes no sense!"

The class' assignment was to write a short story in English that incorporated words from the week's vocabulary list.

"Let me read it at breakfast and I'll check it over," Shouto said.

"You're the best." Midoriya replied, rubbing circles on Shouto's hand with his thumb.

The other boy looked down to hide the blush he felt bloom on his cheeks. "It's not a problem." He really needed to stop being so easily flustered by the smallest affections from his boyfriend. He was being childish. He was sixteen; he shouldn't act like a ditsy _Shojo_ protagonist every time his boyfriend held his hand. He didn't even feel ready to call Midoriya by his first name yet. They'd fought and bled together for crying out loud! Yet still, the closeness that came with being on first name terms with somebody still felt out of Shouto's reach. He needed to get over himself before Midoriya grew frustrated with him.

They entered the elevator and Shouto let go of Midoriya's hand to press the button.

"So I'm pretty sure they're serving omelets today," said Midoriya as the doors closed. "It looks so good but it's made with mushrooms. I wanna ask if I could get one without them but I just feel like I'd be a bother and I'd hold up the line…"

Shouto was half paying attention to Midoriya's rambling. The other half of him was thinking about the pace his relationship was going at. They'd officially been dating for one week and two days. Bakugou and Kirishima were about to hit three months of dating, or at least three months since they came out to the class. It was out there that their relationship had become sexual, due to Iida's unfortunate barging in on them. Would Shouto be ready to do those things in two months? His stomach flinched. No, he definitely was not. Quite frankly he couldn't even picture himself doing anything sexual. Maybe he would be in the future, but certainly not now, and not anytime soon.

That worried him though. Would Midoriya be okay with waiting that long? He'd be completely supportive of Shouto's boundaries thus far, and had assured him that he was willing to go at Shouto's pace. But patience can only go so far right? What if Midoriya figured out how the wait was going to be and realize it wasn't worth it?

Shouto felt his heart start to speed up.

'_Oppose the intrusive thoughts,' _he told himself. _'Midoriya isn't like that. He wouldn't break up over something like that. He promised he'd be okay with it. Midoriya doesn't break promises.' _Shouto felt his pulse slowly go to normal and let out a sigh of relief. Thank god for the book Fuyumi sent him. He'd slowly assembled a small collection of personal books, which now included a book on managing anxiety his sister bought for him. Such a thing would not fly while he lived at home, but now that he lived in the dorm he had more freedom than ever before, including the freedom to admit that he truly had anxiety. He thought about trying to see if he could get medication, but that was probably pushing his luck. There was no way he could get prescribed anything without his father knowing. That was something he would do once he was eighteen and legally independent. It on the sadly extensive list of things he would be able to do once he was an adult and free from his father.

"-so what do you think?"

Shouto blinked. Oh, right, Midoriya was still talking. "Uh, yes?"

"You were spaced out weren't you?"

Shouto's shoulders hunched with shame. "I apologize."

Midoriya laughed. "Hey it's fine. It's not like it's the first time someone's checked out while I'm blabbering."

Shouto's heart clenched. He said that so casually…

Midoriya looked at him with a puzzled expression. "Uh, Todoroki? You okay?"

Shouto gripped Midoriya's shoulders and yanked him into a hug.

"Whoa hey, what's going on?"

"I should have been paying attention," Shouto replied. He pressed his cheek against his boyfriend's neck. "I was being rude. Sorry."

"Hey it's fine, I'm not mad. It's all good." His arms slipped around Shouto's waist. "Although I'm always down for a hug," he chuckled.

The elevator doors _dinged_.

Like their skin had turned to lava, the boys recoiled from each other. They both managed to compose themselves before the doors opened.

"Hey you two!" Uraraka greeted cheerfully. She and Iida were standing in front of the elevators, obviously waiting for them. "Let's go, I don't wanna have to fight for seats."

"It's still super early, Uraraka," Midoriya assured her.

"You can never be too careful," Iida said, signature hand chop included. "It's always better to be early than late if one wishes to get optimal seating."

"I agree," Shouto added in.

"Onward gentleman! I have a date with some banana nut muffins!" Uraraka cried.

As their class president sternly explained to the bubbly girl that, yes, you do need more in a breakfast than muffins, Midoriya and Shouto followed behind.

Midoriya laughed as Uraraka teased Iida, and Shouto's insides lit up at the sound. Midoriya's laugh was truly something else.

He glanced at their two classmates. Uraraka were both now engrossed in a debate with Iida of whether muffins were considered desserts. They were very engrossed in one another.

Feeling bold, Shouto reached over and gave his boyfriend's hand a quick squeeze before releasing it just as fast.

Midoriya looked over at him and his cheeks were pink.

It made Shouto smile, a smile which the freckled teen returned in kind.

Yes, their relationship was still quite new, and not exactly a passionate romance.

But Shouto had never been happier.

_**Drip, drip, drip,**_

_**With every drip, an ocean grows**_

_**It's not much now, but who knows?**_

_**Rivers fill faster, this is true.**_

_**Lakes, ponds, and even streams too.**_

_**They make oceans quicker,**_

_**Quicker than a drop.**_

_**Though that is the truth,**_

_**I will not stop**_

_**Drip, drip, dripping.**_

_**My ocean will come in time**_

_**It will be slow, but that is fine.**_


	9. Feelings Are Like Macaroni

_every revolution _

_starts and ends_

_with his lips_

Shouto really liked food. Granted, most people liked food, it's how one avoided dying after all. But Shouto _really _liked food. Specifically food that was terrible for you. This was discovered the night the class moved into the dorm. After the room contest, they all gathered in the common room to ring in their new living space with snacks and a movie. When Shouto took a bite of one of the cookies Satou baked, he had an out of body experience. He'd always been on a strict diet growing up, and sugar was essentially foreign to him. He ended up eating so many cookies and other sweet snacks he got a stomach ache. After that, he developed a major sweet tooth, as well as an obsession with salty snacks after he was given potato chips for the first time. So yes, Shouto really liked food. Which is why he was elated to be going on a lunch date with Midoriya.

The school was finally starting to loosen its leash on the students in regards to security. Up until then they were forbidden from leaving school grounds unless they were with a teacher or going to work studies in the case of older students. Now students were finally allowed to leave school grounds, given that they followed the rules. Those rules being that they had to ask their homeroom teacher for permission, state where they were going and for how long they would be there, had to have at least one other student go with them, wear a tracking device meant to look like an ordinary bracelet, and it could only be a place within the specific radius around the campus as dictated by the staff. Given the danger students were put in from attacks from the League, the strict measures were understandable. Most were just happy to have some modicum of freedom.

"So who else do you think Ashido and Aoyama have on their chart?" Midoriya asked.

The noodle shop they were in was a simple chain restaurant that sold a variety of noodles from different cuisines. It was nothing special, but they had soba, and that's all Shouto cared about.

Shouto took another sip of his green tea. "I don't know. Who knows how their minds work?"

"It's kinda scary how accurate they are. I mean they're four for four now," the freckled teen replied.

"Allegedly. Nobody has seen the shipping chart for themselves," Shouto reminded him.

They were discussing the events of that morning, where, during breakfast in the common room, Jirou asked Yaoyorozu out. Jirou's face was ruby red and Yaoyorozu resembled a gaping fish. The whole room was silent during the couple of minutes it took for Yaoyorozu to squeak out a 'yes.' After that there were congradulations and exclamations from Ashido that she and Aoyama "totally saw it coming."

"I kept telling her she should just ask," Shouto said. "Although I think it's for the best Jirou beat her to it. Who knows how long it would have taken Yaoyorozu to confess?"

"That's rich coming from you," Midoriya teased.

Shouto rolled his eyes. "I admit to being a hypocrite. It's fortunate both she and I have more forward partners."

"I'd put an asterisk next to 'forward,'" Midoriya said sheepishly. "I mean, I pretty much did it on accident."

The two boys stopped their conversation temporarily when their food finally came. Shouto's mouth watered as his soba was placed in front of him. As he picked up his chopsticks the scent of Midoriya's food wafted towards him.

"Remind me what you got again?"

"Macaroni, the American kind," his boyfriend replied. Since it was an American dish he was using a fork instead of chopsticks. "Wow it's so cheesy." Indeed, the bowl was a bog of melted cheese with the noodles trapped within.

"Never had macaroni," Shouto said.

"Oh really? Wanna try some?"

"Uh, sure." Shouto had been curious to try some, but thought it would be rude to ask. Obviously it was no problem, because Midoriya was already reaching across the table with a fork full of macaroni.

Shouto's brow rose. Was Midoriya really trying to feed him in public? He was being surprisingly forward. Shouto glanced around the shop. It was not particularly full and nobody was paying them any mind. _'I suppose it'd be harmless,' _he thought to himself. Giving himself no room to hesitate, he leaned in and accepted the bite of food.

"That's so much cheese," he said after he managed to swallow. What was it with American's and smothering their food? Did this even count as pasta? "It is good though- are you alright?"

Midoriya's face was painted pink and he looked started. "I u-uh," he stammered. "I thought you were gonna take the fork."

Shouto blinked. "What?"

"I thought you were gonna, like, t-take the fork and not..."

Embarrassment flooded Shouto's system. "Oh…" Wow was he stupid. As far as he'd come, it was clear he was still an idiot when it came to reading people in social settings.

"Hey it's alright." Shouto must have made a face, because Midoriya gave him a reassuring smile. "It wasn't something bad, just caught me off guard is all."

_'That wasn't what I was planning to catch you off guard with,' _Shouto thought with a mental pout. He had ulterior motives to going on this date aside from enjoying noodles with his boyfriend. He was planning on finally doing it: addressing Midoriya by his first name. So far the steps they've taken had planned and talked out, but Shouto wanted to prove that he too could be forward and be spontaneous. Ever since they signed out and got their trackers from Aizawa Shouto'd been psyching himself up for the moment he would casually drop it in and see the look on Midoriya's face as Shouto finally made the first move in something. His little flub, however, shook the little confidence he'd built up for himself.

The two continued on with their meal, the awkwardness slowly fading into an amicable silence.

"So how're you feeling about the licensing exam?" Midoriya practically inhaled his meal while Shouto was still working on his soba.

The other teen swallowed his tea before replying. "It will definitely be a greater challenge than the final exam, but I am confident we will succeed."

"At least one of us is confident," Midoriya mumbled. "Our class is really strong, yeah, but I hear the percent of success is not very generous, and who know what kind of test it's going to be?"

"We've faced off against real villains, multiple times now. What's a test compared to that?"

The curly haired teen sighed. "I mean you're not wrong, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy."

"Of course it won't be easy," Shouto replied, gathering noodles with his chopsticks. "Heroes aren't made by idyllic paths."

Shouto looked up to see Midoriya gazing at him fondly. "What?"

"You can be pretty wise, you know that?"

"I could say the same thing about you."

Midoriya scoffed as if he didn't believe it. "Thanks, Todoroki."

_'Say it! Call him his first name!' _The alarm bells were dinging in Shouto's head. This was it, the perfect time to execute his plan. Yet this perfect timing did not help get the words out his mouth. They stuck in his throat like honey. _'Come on, you can do it, Shouto. If can take a knife for him and would die for him you can say his first name!' _Made sense in theory, yet in practice…

"Earth to Todoroki?"

Shouto blinked when he realized a hand was waving in his face. "S-sorry." He stuttered._ 'Just do it, it's not hard.'_

"You looked like you'd spaced out, you feeling okay?"

"Yes I'm fine. I did space out, I apologize," Shouto replied, looking down._'Come on! You're not this weak!'_

"No problem, just making sure you're alright."

"I appreciate your concern." _'Stop being pathetic and just say it!'_ "Thank you…I-Izuku…" He exhaled like he'd finished sprinting. His gaze stayed in his lap where his fingers danced nervously. He wasn't sure what he'd see when he looked up.

It turned out to be a blushing boy with the biggest grin on his face. "Anytime…Shouto."

Now it was Shouto's turn to go red. His face was burning as he hid it in his hands. He heard Midor-no- _Izuku _laugh, which didn't help things.

"Hey you can't be embarrassed, you said it first!"

"Shut up," Shouto grumbled. He peered between his fingers to see Izuku sipping his soda with glee in his eyes.

Knowing that he was happy because of something Shouto did made his chest buzz with warmth.

The tender moment was interrupted by ringing from Shouto's phone.

"Looks like we gotta head back," Izuku sighed as Shouto turned off the phone alarm.

"All good things must end," Shouto mused.

It was about a ten minute walk back to U.A. The sidewalks were bustling with the typical Saturday afternoon crowds. In an effort to not be separated by the passing group of rowdy tourists, Shouto took hold of Izuku's hoodie sleeve.

"I think that whole group was Americans," Izuku said.

"I would say so, given their speaking volume."

The sidewalk finally began to lighten as they got further away from the shops and food places. They could finally walk beside each other, but Shouto decided not to relinquish Izuku's sleeve. To any passersby it would still look like two friends trying to stay together, and Shouto wanted to enjoy any opportunity to touch his boyfriend before they were back at school and had to pretend to just be friends.

"You ever been to America?" asked Izuku.

"No. My father has gone a few times for work, but he's only ever complained about how Americans are too out going and over-friendly."

Izuku snorted. "That's something All Might says he loves about it. He's told me a lot of stories about when he lived there. He says it's a really cool place, and hero scene over there is apparently super wild."

"Would you want to live there?"

"No way," Izuku immediately replied. "I'd miss my mom way too much and I know she'd be really sad. It'd be hard just living on the other side of Japan."

Shouto couldn't help the smile that spread on his face. That was just such an…_Izuku _thing to say. It wasn't just because Shouto knew how much his boyfriend loved his mom. Izuku talked about his mom like she hung the moon. It was just another example of the thoughtful and loving person he was.

"Now visiting, I definitely am down for." Izuku turned to him. "We could do that, maybe after graduation. We could make it a road trip like they do in the movies."

"I don't know the movie you're talking about," Shouto admitted. "But it does sound like it'd be an interesting adventure."

"If you're coming with me, it'll definitely be interesting."

Shouto looked down at the ground, his cheeks warm. "I find it rather unfair you can say something like that so casually."

"Honestly I'm surprised I haven't said more stupid stuff up until now." Izuku moved his arm away, taking his sleeve from Shouto's grip. His fingers brushed against Shouto's now empty ones, clearly wanting to take his hand but hesitating. "Back when I thought I liked Uraraka I could barely form a sentence sometimes. But I dunno, I just feel comfortable with you? Like, it's just so easy to be with you?"

That was not something Shouto was expecting.

"It's just so natural to tell you how much I like you."

Shouto pulled his gaze from the ground. His mismatched eyes met Izuku's impossibly green ones. "You're my favorite person," he said quietly. "I'm so grateful to have met you."

The grin on Izuku's face could power a city. "Now look who's saying casual sweet things." The afternoon sun made the freckles on Izuku's pale skin all the more visible. He had so many that went unnoticed indoors. They covered his cheeks and others were scattered on his forehead and chin. Shouto was close enough to him to notice a lone freckle right at the corner of his bottom lip.

'_Damn I wanna kiss him.'_

_**Feelings are like macaroni**_

_**Sometimes it's all sticky and goopy**_

_**Sometimes it's too much all at once**_

_**Sometimes something simple like soba seems safer**_

_**But when someone special offers it to you**_

_**It can taste really good**_


End file.
